Groan.....

duh.. a long weekend is over. Abt time to go back office. Seemed that I don't quite enjoy the work that I used to enjoy. What's the matter?!?! GROAN!! Actually, life sux!

Finally, some stuffs relating to my dad's apt in Port Dickson are settled. Had a lot of mixed feelings before I left for P.D. on last Friday. Had an awful Thur night, wondering how things will go or rather my mind was still full of memories of my dad. Life is still so empty ever since dad had taken off to another place. Sometimes, I really wonder is he really saved and sometimes, I just felt that he is saved.. So confused. Not wanting to think abt it but can't help it.

I thank God that my uncle had been so willing to bring us to P.D. despite his busy schedule. I felt quite bad when I knew that he slept straight after reaching his home. He must have been very tired after all the driving.

Well, I pray that God will bless me with a big lumpsum of cash for the time being to have a long break overseas with my mom and definitely paying off all my overdue debts. Perhaps a long break from my job will help, coz I don't find the satisfaction in it anymore. Perhaps it's due to my team's morale and ppl's attitude towards their work. People are getting a little paranoid about taking on responsibilities and not wanting to take the challenge. I was thinking, come on.. what the hell! Very most, work in the factory lor! Got hands, got legs, got brain, got eyes, got mouth, what the hell of being afraid to take on a job that's not so "glamorous".

Besides, a decent job is still a good job. Why so fearful? Things are basically very simple and man makes it so tough.. Or rather that darn sickening toothless roaring lion is hopping ard to make ppl fearful. Curse that toothless roaring lion, Satan, to disintegrate eternally!

GOSH!! GOSH!! What's going on?? Sigh.. Anyway, am I a totally different person now? Many times, I wonder if Jesus is really there beside me. I wonder if He is just a visage in my imagination? How real is He? Lord Jesus, help me! How close are You to me? Am I too noisy in my heart to hear your soft, still voice?? Am I depending on my own self-effort already?

My attention seem to wander everywhere now and my heart is not at peace some times. Am I expecting too much? Or am I just being dissatisfied with my life? I realised that I'm diverting all my pains to somewhere else, thus avoiding them. Not wanting to come up to reality. Lord, seems like I'm going down and down instead.. Pull me up, Lord.. Pull me out..

Groan...
Darn...
SHIT...
and Greatest DARN!
Anyway, what the hell.. who cares now..