Careful, Careless, Carefree - 1 Peter 5:7

Being part of life, we often go into different stages in our own lives. Each stage is a point where we are being strengthened for a purpose. Others may beg to differ about this, in which at this point, I don't wish to elaborate any.

1 Peter 5:7 - casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

The Lord wants us to lead a life from a Careful life to a Carefree life. That is when we are full of cares, we are being care-ful with lots of issues. It will come to a point where we will burst out of our care-fulness stage. That is the time that we start to move on to a careless moment. At the moment, there are only 2 points that I can think of that leads us to this stage. It's either we have already lost hope and ready to give up everything, or having more faith in the Lord to receive all our cares upon HIm.

Either way, we will start to care lesser about the situations surrounding us. Once when we start to become a little care-less, our worries seemed to drop somewhere and our minds and heart will get eased down. Nonetheless, we still have some cares somewhere within us, though we get a little care-less. Eventually, there is always someone who wants us to put down more things and to be more care-less. He wants us to be care-free. He wants us to lay our cares upon Him who cares for us. Sometimes, it's always easier for people to tell me this. It's never easy to do so or rather to believe. Believing something or someone became so difficult in my own life.

Perhaps it's all because of the hurts and disappointments that I've received plenty since I was a child. Pains and disappoints seemed to be ravaging in so many areas of my life in which there are so many times that I just want to give up and leave. But the Lord seemed to be keeping me on my feet and strengthening me in some areas. Many times, I envied my friends that they have at least some childhood memories. All that I can remember of mine is simply dark, and bleak. I can't remember my childhood days as happy. All the pains and disappointments in life had made me to become a person void of feelings at one point in my life that I don't care a damn about them or even if they live. The residue of such feelings still remain within me - bitterness. Felt so much like a downcast.

Who am I? What am I? How did I come about? The only answer is from God. Jesus is everything? Many times, I always tend to place myself higher than Jesus and eventually, I fall from that point. Why? Unbelieve in Him and His Goodness? Yesterday, I went for my bible study in church, some statements which my pastor said reminds me what my dad said about Jesus. He said about Jesus as a smart philosopher or perhaps even a con-man. My heart literally crashed after he said that. Many times, I really wonder. True enough, I think too much. Or perhaps I care too much. About what? Was it about my dad?

Parents play a vital role in the upbringing of their children. Just 1 bad experience is good enough to render all the disappointments to their fullness potential. There are some caring friends around me who encouraged me but many times, I failed to understand any of their encouragements or their hearts for me. Others thought that I think too much. Perhaps? Perhaps not? Many times, my mind is just a blank. No thoughts running, just a black blank in my mind.

Anyway, I don't know how to cast all my cares to Him. So many times, God's grace has been abounding in my life and yet, I've failed to acknowledge them as His Blessings and His Love for me. Perhaps, it's the believing part that is just too tough and right now, I guess I just want to be left alone. Perhaps, I have truly forgotten how God loves me and how much He loves me.